Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
