The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
