just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
