only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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