DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
