i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
