just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
