Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
