I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
