We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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