So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
