Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
