During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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