Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
