How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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