Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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