you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
