Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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