Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
