I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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