Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
