Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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