what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
