I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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