My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
