Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
