jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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