I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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