i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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