can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
