A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
