I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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