i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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