I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
