Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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