I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
