No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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