Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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