I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
