my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
