She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
