90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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