My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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