i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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