Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
