Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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