well most of my day revolves around power hour
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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