the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
