two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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