after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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